Sometimes I find that I alter how I do something on the fly, making an immediate decision and going with it. These changes are usually small and probably insignificant in the big picture of life. Most of the time I wonder why it took me so long for the new/different way to pop into my brain. The other decisions, the giant life ones, like changing jobs or where I live or to be vegan take a long time for me commit to doing something new/different.
Maybe about four years ago, the last remaining writer friend I had decided to quit. For fifteen years, I had a others who traveled a similar road of writing and publishing. When she decided she’d had enough, that the writing gig wasn’t fun anymore, that the goals she set (and wasn’t in control of, such as how much she made a month in royalties) failed to be reached, I found myself alone in a deserted landscape. I’d been writing and publishing long enough to know my process and myself as a creator. I told myself I would fine. Everything would be fine. I could write, on a good day, 1200 words an hour. Using that data, I figured how long it would take to write a novel. Should have been easy to continue to write and publish. And then there is reality…
I’ve mentioned that I’ve been dragging my feet with this blog-to-book project. I spent the last two mornings driving to and from the ranch thinking about how to make this project work. This morning, I had an unexpected mindset shift. And I think it came on the heels of what has happened this week, which was unusual, with doctor appointments, updating my resume, and a thing happening with Holly’s stall.
In considering how to split the book into chapters/sections and how much to include with the thesis part (an 18-week counseling program), I thought about the blog posts I’d read so far. Some would be okay, but others I don’t think I can use. The mindset shift (perhaps related to the couple of years I worked on a previous mindset issue concerning my writing) was: So what if I don’t publish this project? So what if I can only salvage a handful of the posts for the book? So what if I include a menu of activities/suggestions for the thesis program instead of a step-by-step process? And then the questions that made me sigh: Is this a project that I want to do? Will it be enjoyable to put together and publish?
Things felt a lighter after that. I don’t have solid answers for all those questions, but it leads me toward a solution where before there wasn’t one. What I choose to include in the book is 100% up to me. If I choose to publish the book or not, also up to me. I’ve learned in my fiction to not force a story to be a specific length or go a certain way. In a time where I’m reminded of how very little I control, I can be grateful for the mindset shift that points to what is important: remember that creativity is better for me when it’s pleasurable instead of a chore.
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