I joke with myself that my superpower is delayed gratification. I would be the one kid who, fifty years later, still has both marshmallows (read about the marshmallow experiment). I’m so used to delayed (or no) gratification that when it does come around, I’m not sure how to handle it. This picture is of the table I had at Tucson Festival of Books in 2016. The last year I attended (2022), I didn’t bring even one copy of each of my books, as my table space couldn’t hold 43 titles.
I haven’t done a live event since then. Talking to readers and watching their face light up when they find a book they’re interested in wipes away any delay, and it feels gratifying to provide something that people want. I’m not sure I can list all the ways my life has changed since this table setup. It makes me consider which I would rather have, the delay or the change.
The delay I’m used to. Oftentimes the gratification never comes. Like most people, I’m not a fan of change. I’m dealing with delayed gratification with this anthology project. I’ve learned things working on this that I will definitely apply in the future. Maybe partly because of this project, my focus has changed. I’m clearing files out of my computer and off several flash drives. I continue to sift through and decide the fate on materials I’ve created in the past for students.
Perhaps I’m in a phase of letting go. I suppose that qualifies for change. And maybe part of that change is that I’m tired of the delay in regard to certain pieces of my life. Or it could be the tiny rebel in me is having her say. I look at this picture and remind myself of how far I’ve come, of the things I’ve done to shorten the delay and anticipate the gratification. After so, so long with the delay, maybe I’m just accepting it as change.
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