I remember being on the ASU campus several years ago for a writing conference. During lunch, I went outside and saw this dog (his owner was there, just not in the picture) swimming laps in the fountain. It wasn’t a particularly hot day, but the dog was a Lab, and they love water. All those waves are from his happy body swimming and walking through the warm water in the fountain. Life seems like this sometimes for me. Like I’m going around in circles, like I’m walking through water so everything seems harder, like my toes kind of touch the ground, and I kind of keep my head above water. This is what the past couple of weeks have felt like.
Today, finally, I logged a few paragraphs to finish a short story that will appear in MV2. I haven’t been back to visit The Bookie, despite the task listed daily on my calendar. When I complete “swimming my laps” for the day, it’s time for my digital sunset (about 8:00PM), and WI2 doesn’t get marked off. Earlier this week, life handed me a blow to remind me that I shouldn’t have expectations. It took me a day to weigh whether I should continue on this path. I haven’t convinced myself that I should, but I’m going through the motions. And part of that means preparing for Tucson Festival of Books.
It would be helpful if my crystal ball worked so I knew what to bring, what readers want, and how many readers will be there. The physical parts of the event I have no problem with, even not knowing how many people will attend, I can set up my print books and bookmarks and email sign-up sheet. It’s the technical part that’s tough. I’m sure my writing friend would say, “You’re making it more difficult than it needs to be.” She might be right. But I committed to this, and it’s hard for me to do things part-way. And since I don’t know if I’ll do another live event after this one, I’m not sure if what I’m struggling to get ready will be used again or even needed at Tucson. See? Circles 🙂