By the time I sat down to continue working on digitizing my class materials, it was late afternoon. I opened the file folder and sighed. Most of the enthusiasm for this project has been used up. I spent time last night making notes on what each of the ten remaining concepts needed. I decided several weeks ago that there could be three tiers: a packet (just a few pages that could be downloaded and fulfilled by Book Funnel), a bundle (a few more activities, so I would fulfill, sending flashcards and materials via manila envelop), and a kit (many activities, including a game board, that would be fulfilled by me and shipped in a plastic accordion file). I deleted duplicated files and Word docs, which made the remaining materials more doable, especially since I was redoing 95% of what had already been digitized. I thought I could get everything done by my hard deadline of 12/31/25.
The sigh this afternoon told me a couple of things. One, I’m tired on many levels. Two, I asked myself, “Why am I doing this? Why is this important to me?” Three, I realized that if I chose to make everything a packet, no one would know, and I could finish this project early. Which, for a hot second, seemed like a good idea. However, I rarely doing things half-way, which is why a 40,000 word novel expands to an 80,000 word novel and a series of five books.
I reminded myself that this is the one chance I’m giving my creativity and sense of completeness to get what I think is doable into a form that others may find beneficial. This is not something I want to revisit whenever an order comes in. So, I have eleven days. I decided if I have to think about how to force a concept into a form, then I’m not going to do that. My sense of accomplishment will be appeased just to have done the work I’ve completed so far… but will be at peace when things are done.
This feeling is similar to when I realize how a story will end. I think it will take a few scenes, maybe a couple of chapters, but it’s always, always, a moving finish line for me. However, 12/31/25 isn’t moving, and I’m sticking to that deadline. I think there will be relief and satisfaction when that day comes. I sometimes think why I feel the drive to take past creations and manipulate them into something that is available to others. Perhaps it has something to do with my preference for completion, this sense of coming full circle. Once I’ve revisited the past and made something that others could use, I let it go. Funny, as that’s been a theme for me in 2025. Perhaps it has taken me a few of these past-to-present projects to realize this.
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