I’ve been “winding down” since September. With the purchase of a 2023 calendar and reviewing 2022, I’ve already made intentions for next year. For the past 3 weeks, I should have been “winding up” in order to finish the projects I wanted to publish in 2022. Instead, I’m “winding in.” This probably isn’t an actual phrase, but it’s what I’m feeling, what I’ve been circling around for months now.
I think wise people look to the past and gather information about what was and how that influences the present. If said wise person understands how the present is shaped because of the past, then it makes sense that to move into the future, the wise carry that knowledge with them. I don’t consider myself wise, but like all living beings, I do what I can to lessen or remove discomfort. Misplacing my why for writing has created quite a bit of discomfort.
I shared with someone how my writing journey has changed, even pre-pandemic. Though writing is a solitary pursuit, I miss the comaraderie of fellow authors. The hours spent discussing the industry and marketing trends, what we learned through a podcast/webinar/conference/article/video, positive support when the WIP wasn’t cooperating, and the human need to check in with another. I’ve batted around several ideas for how to continue writing without that support network. Some ideas have worked, a majority haven’t gotten me back to that place of joyous flow.
So, I’m “winding in.” A few books crossed my path regarding the indie author mind set. I understand the business of being an indie author. It’s a role I’ve filled for 14 years. The first book has so far touched on all the fears that interrupt the writing process. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of judgement, fear of criticism, perfectionism, etc., are all areas I’ve explored before. As yet, I’ve learned nothing new. Only that I’m not alone in having passed through those phases (or still hanging out in one of them). But I think it comes back to my why. And for me to discover, or rediscover, why I write, I need to look inward; thus, “winding in.” Art is a personal pursuit. The why and how and when, and all the rest of it, fits who we are as a person or we don’t do it.
I still forget to set the timer when I work on my projects. I’ve spent the most effort on the math workbook. It’s easy. The instructions I write aren’t creative, just a “how-to.” SG has gotten a little work. I’ll be surprised if I finish the first draft by 12/31. I haven’t looked at AC. I know what I’ve put on my publishing calendar for next year. I’ve seen what readers have downloaded or bought. I’ve gotten a few responses from my newsletter survey. If I were wise, I would look to the past, study the present, and use that knowledge as I move into the future. But that knowledge, and the feelings and beliefs that go with it, are like wisps of fog, refusing to be grasped and held. So, I’m “winding in.”